I'm giving up on adam. fuck that. he couldn't care less about me so why am i making such a big fuss? ok, well there's the fact that i still have feelings for him. But he's being really cruel to me recently (...so was i, though. so i can't blame him) which is making my feelings for him diminish.
I got drunk yesterday and it felt so good. I completly forgot about him and it made me believe that i COULD forget him if i wanted to. i just need really big distractions for a while.
Apparently, my friend and i called him when we were pissed drunk and yeah. i don't even know what i said. oh well. he acted like a total bitch about it, but wtv. i guess i understand why.
Anyways, i WILL forget him. i know i can. i mean, i deleted him off facebook and msn, so that will make it easier! .. and he'll find better because he's so perfect :)
My loss haha.

so yeah. i've really been losing weight recently. i just have these anorexic episodes sometimes and i won't eat for like 3 days. i lost ten pounds that way haha. (don't follow my example because i'm fucking stupid). I'm planning on losing another 20! i just want to feel better about myself.. and i feel as though that's the only thing i can control in my life. i like having control. i will NEVER fall for anyone ever again. i fucking hate it haha. I'll be an independent woman for the rest of my life and will be living with 10 cats and 3 dogs.
(I love dogs, but cats are easier to take care of)

So yeah. i lost ten pounds. and my personal goal this year is to keep myself from swallowing a shitload of pills haha. and to at least try to make myself feel better and maybe have a bit of fun.. if you know what i mean ;)
AND my second goal is to make one of my best friends (Sooooda Braaain) feel better about herself, too because she's an amazing person and she's always been there for me.
I'll always be there for her too. (I love you sodaa) Everything is just so simple when i talk to her. Easier than talking to adam and that's a big deal. I'm not afraid to open up to her and she's just really special :)
She's smart, gorgeous, talented, an amazing person and everyone loves her, though she fails to see that.

Anyways, that's it for now! next time i go on this site, i'll be cool ;)
i'm writing again which is a really good thing! + the psychologist really helped me to let it all out and let go.
...how suicidal was i before? gosh.. i need some time to take care of myself hahahaha.
yeah.

bye bye

DrowningPoolOfThoughts